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I think about the moment that my daughters begin to date. Wow, I can’t believe that I wrote “my daughters and dating” in the same sentence! As much as I try to keep my babies young, they will eventually date a boy. Yikes!
Believe it or not, I’m so excited for my daughter's date. I can’t wait for them to feel butterflies in their stomach and fall in love. But at the same time, I want to shield them from the pain that comes along with breakups and everything else that happens in the complicated world of dating.
I know that they will have broken hearts. I know that they will fall in love with a boy who does not love them back. And I know that they will break a ton of hearts.
They say that respect is gone and boys don’t treat girl’s as they should. Well, for any boy dating my daughter's they will expect you to do the following ten things. I have taught them to expect nothing less. So boys - take note.
- Always open the car door for her. From your first date to your last day on earth, you always open the door for a lady.
- Tell her that she is beautiful often, especially when she has no makeup on and is in sweatpants.
- When you get yourself a drink or something to eat, make sure you always ask her if she wants something.
- Leave her random notes expressing your love for her.
- Listen to her. When you ask her what is wrong, chances are that there is something wrong. Believe me.
- Support her emotionally. She needs you to believe in her and her dreams. Be her biggest cheerleader.
- When you are out with your friends, always call her when you get home. She will worry.
- When she is sick, take care of her.
- Make her feel like she is the only girl in the room.
- Respect her and her family.
I hope and pray that families are teaching their sons about how to treat a young lady. I also hope that these parents are leading by example. Children mimic their parents and do what they see in their household. If you as a husband are doing these things, chances are that your son will too.
As for my daughter's dating, I have some time before it begins. (Thank God!)
But one final note to any boy interested in dating my daughters, I have trained with Navy Seals and can shoot and a variety of guns. I'm looking forward to meeting you!
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“You know what? We’re not made of armor. These things do affect us. And I am proud of my big, strong legs!” said Janice Dean, Senior Fox News Meteorologist. That was her response to a social media bully. Earlier this week, this beautiful meteorologist received this message on Facebook.
“Dear Janice. Please stop allowing Fox to dress you in those short skirts. They are not flattering on you. Your (notice they grammar) an attractive lady, love the 80’s hair, but your legs are distracting every time you walk on screen.”
When I saw this I was disgusted. I am so sick and tired of seeing this happen to smart, beautiful women. I have many friends in the media and remarks like this are all too common.They are told that they look fat, tired and old. People will remark about their hair, clothes, voice…you name it.
As these bullies hide behind their computers to write disgusting and degrading messages, I want them to think about what it would feel if someone said that to them. Imagine if a person said that to their daughters, friends, mothers or sisters who were recipients of that message.
I recall being a news reporter and people would come up to me in the grocery store and tell me that I look “skinner in person or appear much heavier on TV.” Would you ever think to say that to someone? As a recovering anorexic that was beyond hurtful to me. Somehow I learned to tune it out. But it took a VERY long time. Eventually, I grew thick skin, thanks to those interesting folks in the grocery store.
Long, unpredictable hours, lack of sleep, a very small paycheck and no social life…they are all part of a journalist’s life. Anyone entering the field knows that those things come with the territory. But, what they never signed up for is the anger, the envy and the hate that is spewed on them on a daily basis by these internet trolls.
Janice Dean has been in the business for a while and has dealt with negative comments like every other woman in the media. Most of the time she ignores the comments, but Monday’s was different.
She credited colleague Jillian Mele for inspiring her to respond. But she didn’t feed into the negativity or respond back with vicious words.
Here’s what she said. “Hi JoAnn, Fox doesn’t dress me. I dress myself. I’m sorry if you don’t like my big legs. I’m grateful I have them to walk with. You’re right. I don’t look like the typical person on TV, and I’m proud to be a size 10. Imagine that! You can always turn the channel if you are offended by my huge legs. Hope you don’t mind. I may share this post with everyone on my FB page. All the best, Janice.”
Amen, Janice! The 47-year old was diagnosed with MS over a decade ago and she has said many times that she is extremely fortunate to be able to walk. She took to Twitter to say that her legs could give out at any time and she is grateful for her “big, strong legs that keep her standing tall, help her walk, dance and make snow angels.”
Janice is a true inspiration to all of the women out there, in and out of the spotlight. I had the pleasure of meeting her last year at Fox & Friends and she took time in between breaks to chat with me. She is a smart, strong and beautiful woman.
This bullying needs to stop. I’m not sure how it can be fixed, but women should not sit back and take it as we have for so many years. Responses like Janice's is a start.
A huge shout out to Janice and all of the news anchors who are calling out the bullies. God bless you and keep doing what you are doing.
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Dating sucks. Let’s be real here. It’s not fun when you are 25, and it certainly is not joyful after a divorce. Dating after a divorce is like trying to do a cartwheel after you haven’t done one in 20 years and you’re 15 pounds heavier.
Whether the divorce was your choice or your partners, you are emotionally damaged. You haven’t been on a date in years; you are older and are fearful that what happened in your previous relationship will happen in your next one. Well, you MUST get that out of your mind.
I was 40 when I became divorced. As confident as I appear on social media for my business, my confidence was shot. In fact, I had no confidence. Let’s face it. I was 40, had three children, wrinkles, cellulite and everything else that comes along with being a mother. All I could think of was who in the world would want to date me.
My fear was that I would make the same mistakes I did before. I also refused to let anyone know my fears. I didn’t want them to see the “real me.” I was a woman with more insecurities than I could admit to. My goal was to keep them hidden, locked deep inside me. But, that is exactly what I did in the past. I hid my feelings and didn’t let anyone in. I needed to appear perfect, happy, and fabulous…so I thought.
Life moved forward and I met a wonderful man. Words cannot describe how amazing he was. I was on top of the world. I felt confident, smart and beautiful. Life was great.
Then I met his friends. It was like I got hit with a ton of bricks. All of the women are beautiful. They are smart, well put together, fit, beautiful and nice. All I could think of was, oh my God why would he want to be with me? There are all of these beautiful women for him to date. And his friends all have stunning wives. My mind raced and I felt as if I could never measure up to this. I thought that I could NEVER fit it.
As women, we do this all of the time. I don’t care how pretty we are, but we compare. We look at their outfits, their boobs, their hair…everything. We yearn to be just like them and constantly worry if our boyfriends or husbands think that we are as pretty or as smart as these women.
But, what we don’t do is think about why our boyfriends or husband are with us in the first place. They are with us because we are beautiful, smart, and sexy in their eyes. They love us for who we are, flaws and all.
What we can’t do when we date after a divorce is to let our insecurities take over. It is a lot easier said than done. Believe me, I battle it EVERYDAY. But the number one thing that I have learned through this process is to communicate. As I mentioned before, I have always kept things bottled up. That is toxic; it will eat you up inside.
Just this week, the wonderful man asked me to marry him.
I was on cloud nine, but I admit it…the insecurities are still there. But the key to keeping a happy relationship is communication.
My poor fiancé would probably wish that I communicated a little less, but if I don’t tell him how I feel and what bothers me, our relationship will fail.
So yes, I tell him about my thoughts, my concerns, and my dreams. I am an open book for him. Although, he may want me to keep a couple of chapters closed. But, I am in the communications industry...lol.
Do I still compare myself to the beautiful women of Virginia Beach? Absolutely. But I try to remind myself that he chose me for me. Just like I chose him for him.
If you are about to begin dating after a divorce here are a few tips.
Be Real
Don’t start off your relationship pretending to be someone else. We all try to appear our best, especially at first. But this person must get to know the real you. Be yourself.
X the Ex Talk
Leave the ex-talk out. Your date, boyfriend or fiancé does not want to hear about your ex. Yes, you will have to talk
Speak to a Counselor
We all need someone to help us explore our feelings. A professional counselor will help you significantly as you move forward in your new life and relationship.
Dating is never easy and dating after a divorce is extremely difficult. But, we have to take what we learned from our failed relationships and make our next one better. We have to work to get our confidence back and know that the universe truly does conspire for two people to meet.